One of the biggest blockers

There are plenty of reasons why aspiring property investors and home buyers don’t get their plans off the ground. From analysis paralysis to falling prey to negative bias, the list is long. But one of the most common reasons isn’t what people imagine it could be.

Not being on the same page as your partner is a property planning fiasco.

The number of people I’ve met over the past two decades who haven’t been on the same page is too great to count, and sadly the outlook for their property purchasing plans is not good unless they can tackle the situation appropriately to get on the same page. It takes more than a solid argument or a decision to go it alone on the property journey. In fact, it requires a lot of listening, a reasonable amount of compromise, some patience and a willingness to take a (sensible) risk.

I can easily spot when two aren’t on the same page. Sometimes it shows itself in the form of one person driving the conversation while the other is absent. I read/hear this phrase often, “Ohhh, he’s really busy with work/kids/sport/friends/travel, but he’s OK for me to talk to you and I can relay it to him later.” Other times, I meet with both parties and one is clearly uncomfortable with arms folded or a disengaged persona. On occasion, I’ve met with a couple and one has shed tears; whether it be tears of frustration or tears of upset. They clearly love their partner, but their dream of getting their home is far from reality because their partner is resisting the idea of purchasing.

There are many reasons why a partner could be resisting or fearful about purchasing, and it’s vital that this is understood before any planning can take place. Some of these reasons include;

• a fear of debt
• a fear of making a mistake and buying a lemon
• a fear of financial commitment to their partner at this point in time
• relationship issues, (sad, but sometimes true. I’ve had situations where a breakup resulted within months after the consultation)
• concern that their partner is being too bullish, (taking too much risk)
• worry that an investment purchase will jeopardise their plans for a perfect family home
• a mismatched risk profile
• family/friends in their ear advising not to buy
• a feeling that the market is at a peak and buying conditions will get better in the future
• a preference for a different asset class
• a mismatched set of criteria for the home

The list goes on, but these are some of the significant reasons.

The worst thing that the person driving the acquisition plans can do is to force their partner to buy jointly. Experience has proven that the issues don’t always fade, and in fact a partner who resisted a purchase strategy and was coerced into it will often blame their partner if and when things go wrong, (and being objective about this, little things such as non-paying tenants, damage to the property, etc. sometimes strike, but it’s how we deal with them that makes the difference). Other times, if issues are more challenging, the party who drove the purchase can feel a sense of guilt or disappointment in their decisions.

And if the decision to purchase was blocked altogether, a couple can experience discord when one is regretful or the other blames them for lost opportunity in future years.

It’s really critical that communication is clear and the couple both have a chance to air their concerns and fears. An experienced third party can often help bring the issues to light and assist the couple with navigating the planning phase. But a professional isn’t necessarily the only answer; honesty and clear objectives are the critical ingredients to a couples’ discussion about a property purchase.

I often urge the person with the higher risk profile to try to stand in their partner’s shoes to work through some suitable compromises. It may involve lowering the purchase price tag or obtaining some more information about their investment area of interest. Sometimes it requires forecasting and modelling of the growth figures, out of pocket costs and surplus income budgeting. Depending on the other persons fear or reasons for resisting, the compromises may even be timing of the acquisition.

When it comes to buying a home, the important decisions relate to location, budget, desired period of tenure, the question of improvement/renovation, and the size of the dwelling and land. People are often on different pages because they haven’t worked through a sensible and sensitive decision-making matrix to start.

Focusing on your partner’s needs is not enough. Recognising their fears, dreams and willingness to compromise is really important.